Bovinophobia
June 6-10 (Cortez & Dolores, CO) —
As I laid bleeding on the side of the trail, I thought “when has praying to a stuffed cow ever led anyone astray like this?”
I have a completely rational and in-no-way-insane fear of cows. Laugh all you want but they are killers.
To help cope with my completely sane fear, our friend Nancy gave me a stuffed cow last Christmas to watch over me.
Given that Nancy is the wife of our Reverend Manne (duly ordained via the internet to perform our wedding ceremony), I figured it was a good idea to keep the stuffed cow around and it hangs on a cabinet in Tigger.
We had ended up on BLM land north of Dolores, CO in an area called Boggy Draw. Our campsite was middle of nowhere and beautiful, and we rode from camp.
The loops were mellow and gorgeous through forest and meadows.
About 2/3 of the way through, we came across my nemesis blocking the trail.
She gave me the evil eye.
And I knew I was in trouble.
After a brief stand-off and lots of glaring, she, her two siblings and mother took their sweet time crossing the trail and moving off into the forest.
Less than 5 minutes later, we came to the only challenging part of the ride — a seat-in-the-ass-nose-to-the-bar rocky climb of around a quarter mile.
Just short of the top, my real wheel slipped DUE TO A RUT MADE BY A COW, and I twisted out of my left pedal, but not my right. It was steep enough that I rolled backwards down the hill with my right foot still attached to my bike. Like 180 degrees backwards from the direction of travel. Did a few rolls over rocks/logs and STILL my right foot didn’t come out of my pedal.
And as I laid there, I thought:
1. I am a dumbass for wearing a tank top “which will be fine because today will be mellow.”
2. I am a dumbass for not cleaning my pedals even though there’s about 17 layers of Fruita and Moab mud/dirt/clay covering them.
and
3. Golden calves aside, never trust a cow.
V, who is apparently unaffected by Evil Cow Eye, ripped through the trail. Perhaps growing up in Texas gave her immunity.
She got so far ahead of me at one point that, when I caught up to her on a ridge, she was downloading a book to her Kindle because she got cell service there:
We also spent time riding Phil’s World outside of Cortez, Co. Fewer pictures here, but I would put sections of those trails (Stinky Springs, Rib Cage, many more) up against any that I’ve ridden. Really well built trials and super flowy. This corner of CO is amazing for riding, and we’ll be back.
